then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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