we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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