Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
