im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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