how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
