I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
