You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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