Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
