you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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