my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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