how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
