That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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