we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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