You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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