so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want a musical about memes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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