There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
