I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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