The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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