yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
