I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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