I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
