No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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