Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
