i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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