1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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