I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your penis caused this!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
