I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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