Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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