I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
