you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
