he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
