Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
