If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
