I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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