you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
