she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is my gift to your gina
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
