My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
