TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
NoShamevember. You game?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
