I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
