she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
