"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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