I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We just shotgunned beers for America
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
