How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
