apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
