I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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