I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
