Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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