I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they're like a gay fantastic four
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
