her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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