I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
