fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
