i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
