Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
